It's not just the wind that will blow you away

I have been utterly blown away.

And it was such a small thing.

But I am still astounded.

Let me start from the beginning. Like most women, I've struggled with my weight and body image off and on since high school. It's the eternal struggle between two loves - cookies and looking hot. It's quite difficult to have both at the same time. Usually, the love of cookies wins for me.

Anyway, things had been improving as I made the slow approach to elderly decrepitude (aka late 20's). Then I moved to Japan. Land of tiny women. Insert choice word here. Unfortunately, Japan is also the land of amazing new tasty bits of deliciousness. And I had to try them all, didn't I? I mean, really, how dumb would it be to go home after spending however long in Japan and having conversations like this:

• A: Wow! You lived in Japan for X years? What exciting foods did you eat?
• B (me, with a prudish tone): Baked chicken and broccoli

That would be terrible, wouldn't it?? So, anyway, trying tasty treats was apparently fine in the summer, because I was walking a lot. But then, winter hibernation set in. Apparently, you burn less calories hiding by your heater than you burn out exploring the town. That was when I discovered that weight gain does not just happen to international visitors to the US. It also happens to Americans visiting other countries.

So, long story longer, here I was, a few kilograms up and surrounded by impossibly small women. And not just short, but thin...and with no curves. Well, feeling like Hulkette everywhere you go is not exactly the best for body image. Oh, and super bulky winter clothes don't help much, either. And the funny thing is, not everyone is short and thin. Some are short and rotund. But there aren't many who are tall and er...curvy.

So, lately, I'd really been down about being Hulkette. I put myself back on the ol' calorie counting regimen. I also started exercising regularly this week (which I need to be doing for many reasons). I've had some amazing epiphanies (which I need to stop having because I can't spell the durn word) about life, studying Japanese, and losing weight. Maybe I will share them with you sometime.

Anyway, yesterday (or the day before) I was trudging my Hulkette self along to school when I thought, "You know, I just need someone to tell me that I'm fine just the way I am. I know 1000000% that my family thinks it, but I just really need to hear it again."

Then, I forgot about it and went along with life as usual.

Tonight was my night to teach ballet class. It was a lot of fun, as usual. I am learning quite a bit about teaching ballet, like never give your class a combination that you are not prepared to do a bazillion times yourself - I about passed out when I wound up having to do over 84 changements (jumps). I do the combinations with each group so they can see what I'm doing. So, anyway, after class, I was talking to one of the mothers. We were doing our best, anyway! So, she mentioned that she was pretty tall, but I was even taller. This doesn't happen infrequently, so I wasn't too surprised. But, then, she says, "Oh, model - san!" When she said that, inside, I was thinking, "I love you!!"

So, that kind of made me happy. It really doesn't take much.

Then, I went to a cafe to grab some dinner. A really nice lady runs the place. She always chats with me in Japanese even though I'm usually confused. It's nice, though! Tonight there were two other people there, and we all just had a good time trying to talk in Japanese, broken Japanese, English, and broken English. It was really fun! While we were chatting, one of the ladies said to me, "Pretty girl...pretty lady!" At first, I thought, "Oh, that was nice of her!"

Then, as I was walking home in the snow, it hit me like a load of bricks.

Both of those things were exactly what I needed to hear.

I had only recently really clarified that thought that I needed to hear that I was pretty just as I am.

I hadn't even had time to cheat and call home and tell someone that I needed to hear it.

Actually, I had even forgotten that I had even had the thought.

But God hadn't forgotten.